=)

i'm happy that i finally have reasons to smile here in up. dati kasi, i kinda hated this place. i'm happy to be here, mind you, but this place also keeps me from davao.. so, malamang, bad trip ako. but now, i'm starting to like this place. kinda like a second home. well, i still have 3 years to stay here. haay... i'm still not sure bout my course though but hey, God provides naman eh. okay na to. he gave me this course so i'm keeping it. hehe. bahala na. hopefully, my drive to study returns soon though.. as of now, i'm scared cause i think i'm gonna flunk a few subjects (o, God, please no..). medyo happy na din ako sa application for this organization i wanna join. enjoy yung talent's night namin and i made a lot of new friends. hehe. minsan lang ako magkafriend kaya a lot in one time is nice.=) hmm..i miss my barkada though..sana naman matuloy na ang lunch or dinner or whatever laag we might have. hehe.=) anyway, i just wanna say that whatever shit life brings, there's always something to smile about. and, we don't smile because we are happy. we are happy because we smile.=)

talent's night

ang saya ng talent's night namin!! hehe. you've all seen me dance a thousand times pero have you ever seen me sing solo? hahahaha!! for the second time in my life, kumanta ako in front of a lot of people. gosh.. that was weird of me pero i felt more nervous when i was dancing than when i sang. hehe. probably because i didn't have much time to memorize the steps by heart. kaya i knew i was gonna mess it up. haay...=) by the way, i sang kitchie nadal's wag na wag mong sasabihin. hehe. i kinda lived up to my classmates teasing that i looked like kitchie. talaga? weird noh? hehe. sinayaw pala namin get right by j.lo and caught up by usher. at thriller din pala ni mj. hehe.=) ang saya!! si edgar nag-mr.suave. hehe. funny na lagi kaayo!!=) sina eydz ang galing mag-gitara. ang dami ding magaling kumanta, sumayaw at mag-play.=p sayang hindi natuloy yung first day funk at yung crush on you ni vermi. hehe. cool sana yun. at yung eminem ni jon. hehe. astig sana.=p tapos, after the talent's night, pumunta kami lahat ng mga apps sa jollibee philcoa...and stayed there until 5am.hehe. ang saya talaga!! nag-jamming kami sa jollibee. ang gulo. buti di kami pinaalis. hehe.=) finally, i'm having fun with this application. hehe.=) sana matapos na ang formal interview para final rights na lang. at least yun, kasama ko batch ko. hehe. go azeotropes. "we're simply inseparable."

i don't think he knows that what i write here is for him... and to think he reads this frequently... and to think he knows me well... and to think... i miss him... yet i can't... cause he's given up... and it ain't right to disturb a mind that has made a decision... but i don't think he has understood what i told him... i don't think he ever will... cause i think he's blocked his mind from accepting it... cause how many times i repeat it, he never got it... destiny may be the most unstable refuge i could find, but it's the only refuge that accepts me... the weakling, the cowardly... years may pass, but what will be, will be...

song quotes

"...and i'm so sick of love songs/ so tired of tears/ so done with wishing you were still here/ said i'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow/ so why can't I turn off the radio?" ~so sick by ne-yo

"parang atin ang gabi/ para bang wala tayong katabi/ at tayo'y sumayaw/ na parang di na tayo bibitaw/ bibitaw" ~prom by sugarfree

"akin ka na lang/ iingatan ko ang puso mo/ akin ka na lang/ wala nang hihigit pa sa 'yo" ~akin ka na lang by itchyworms

"i'm so tired, i feel like catching forty-winks/ being up all night in this elbow-room that puts me in a trance/ where hopes and dreams come true" ~heaven knows by orange ang lemons

"and it hurts to want everything/ and nothing at the same time/ i want what's yours/ and i want what's mine" ~goodbye to you by michelle branch

"tumalon kaya ako sa bangin/ para lang iyong sagipin/ ito ang tanging paraan/ para mayakap ka/ darating kaya sa dami ng ginagawa/ kung kaagaw ko sila/ paano na kaya" ~narda by kamikaze

"sige lang/ sandal ka na/ at wag mong pipigilan/ i-iyak mo na ang lahat sa langit/ i-iyak mo lang ang lahat sa akin" ~sandalan by 6cyclemind

"without a warning you'll set the world on fire like it used to be/ fire" ~fire by kitchi nadal

as the sun sets

i wrote this after answering the chE31 exam. which, by the way, i failed. thank you.

as the sun sets quickly
and the clouds burst into flames
the birds ride the wind
and swirl in the sky
the trees turn into shadows
and the earth feels cool
like being held by a hand
that is freezing cold
the stars slowly appear
giving light to the night
and the moon rises high
to sweep the fear away

as the sun sets quickly
i hang my head to cry
cause the light of my life
gave way to the night

i wanna disappear. i mean totally. it's the easiest way out. to be rid of this world, body and soul. but i'm afraid of doing it myself. the thought freaks me out. but if it were to happen cause it was destined to happen, i would accept my end with open arms. for example, if a huge branch were to break of from a tree while i was passing right under it and it fell on my head killing me instantly, i would welcome that. if a huge boulder fell out of the sky and hit me on the head, i'd welcome that. if i were to sleep and never wake up, i'd welcome that. but i think, that won't happen anytime soon. weeds live longer than grass. but Lord, could you free me from this pain instead?

OUCH!!!!!!

don't ask what hurts... basta, the fact stays na it HURTS!!!! i wanna cry but i can't cry... leche!!! bakit ganito ang life...!!! ok, i'll stop ranting. pero masakit ha... i can't describe the pain but it's like being partially unable to breathe and slowly being crushed from the inside... ewan ko uy... LECHE!!! and i thought... hay, whatever. whatever. whatever. i wanna go back home and rot in my room and go out everynight with my barkada and get wasted. shit talaga... tang ina... i wanna cry. bakit ayaw lumabas ng mga luha ko...?

ps. hehe. sorry sa oa-ness up there. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! i hope that my family and friends are happy.=) miss ko na kayo. save me from this pit of sorrow that i dug myself into...

UP Fair: No Fairmit, No Rally

hehe. punta po kayo. may kind of concert every night from monday, feb 13, to saturday, feb 18. masaya to! sobra! iba-ibang theme every night. ang alam ko so far: monday-r&b/reggae, tuesday-"love is in the fair", wednesday-pop fiesta, thursday-dunno.., friday-eraserfest!!! at saturday-basta!!madami maganda bands!!=p see you there... haha! yah right! tuesday at saturday lang ako makakapunta eh. too bad.=p gusto ko pumunta sa eraserfest kaya lang may exam ako ng sat. grr.. too bad.=p

ps.
may sabon na ko. soap ba.=p naubusan ako kaninang umaga. hehe. buti na lang at enough lang yun. hehe.=p bangag na talaga akech.=)

ouch..

destiny is the refuge of the weak and cowardly...~jans

..the truth hurts..don't you agree?

jumbled

i feel sad...
it's so weird...
to think i woke up in a slightly bad mood...
and was sincerely happy and giddy while walking to class...
i was even laughing at myself for not knowing that there was no class in physics...
walking back to the dorm, i felt at peace...
i felt relaxed as i slept through lunch...
panic welcomed me as i woke up late...
and i was actually listening to my one pm class...
i was able to escape boredom for dusk...
and now, all of a sudden, i feel sad...
weird...
i wonder why...

...


it's so confusing to think...


and so confusing to feel...


...


so i don't think...


and i don't feel...


...


but it feels so empty...


and so cold...


...

with all this crap happening in my life, i have one thing to say:
thank you my pink fluffy slippers.

rantings of the half awake

hay naku. ang chuva ng world. i'm suppossed to be asleep, but hey! i'm alive and kicking. anyway, i just finished watching the last episode of full metal alchemist. it's sad. haay.. chuva talaga. anyhoo, i'm feeling hollow right now. ambot uy. kabuang sa feeling. mura ko'g dili tao. baka nga. ambot. basig gi-abduct na ko sa mga alien or dili nako ni soul. haay.. kapoy na. patya na ko beh? hadlok man gud ko patyun akong sarili. patya na lang ko. hahaha!! mura na gyud ko'y buang. antok na kasi ako masyado. pero ayoko matulog. baka anong mapanaginipan ko. like kanina, nanaginip ako na nahulog daw ako sa bangin. haay.. long way down pa gud yun. buti na lang, half awake ako nun kaya ginising ko sarili ko para hindi na ko tatalon. haay.. sige uy, tulog na ko. night.

antok na ko

i'd like to write something sad
that'll keep me crying all night
i'd like to become someone bad
where i'd always end up wrong
i'd like to shout and never breath
so i'd die and never be seen
i'd like to sleep and never wake
where people would never touch me
i'd like to disappear and never be
and the world would continue to exist

"There is no purpose in simply having your wishes granted. There is always something more important than yourself or your dreams."
~Edward Elric, Full Metal Alchemist

hate me

hate. that's what i want other people to feel. i want them to hate me. why? becuase it would be easier for me and them if it was that way. but no. they don't hate. they even dwell in the reverse. and it becomes harder. and much complicated. cause if you care for someone who hates you, you won't have to worry for them. but if they hurt because they care in return, you hurt even more. because what they feel, is what you feel. just hate me. cause i'd feel better if this was one sided. where i was the only one getting hurt... i may sound so arrogant, as if i'm that capable of handling pain. but you hurt less when you're in pain than when you cause pain on other people... just hate me...oh god... i so wanna die right now. too bad i'm not suicidal.=p

wishlist ko!!

in case you don't know, birthday ko na sa april 9. hehe. layo pa pero excited na ko.=) ito ang mga trip ko makuha pero i doubt it kung makuha ko. nyehehehehe.=)

flash drive
digicam
complete outfit
yellow chucks
colorful havaianas
adidas shoes
nike slippers
speedo swimsuit
duffle bag
car??

lastly,
world peace!! hahahaha!!=)

dreaming man..=p