what if what you think you feel clash with what you know you believe in?.. then think more until you know what you want and compare it with what you believe in. if they still clash, then assess what you feel and think of the consequences of going against what you believe in. if you can't handle the consequences, then shut up and stick to what you know you believe.

haay.. i'm so talking to myself again. as if that justifies everything. in the first place jans, just shut up. eveything goes better when you don't open your mouth. hahahahahahaha!!!!

it's like a flower so rare, you just have to pick, place in a vase and have for yourself.. but what if you can't? cause if you do, you'd just be wasting that rare flower and just letting it die in that stupid vase.. we can be so dumb sometimes.. wanting something we can't have, and waiting for something that'll never happen.. i feel bad.. and sad.. and weird.. i dunno.. i'm confused..

rants

> removed from dorm due to dorm manager's stupidity! imagine, she accepted new residents without even giving the old residents a chance to renew their stay! stupid ass old hag she is!
> nonstop exams since the other week. shit! i feel like i've never slept! wed(mar15): es 21 4th exam, sat(mar18): chem lec 2nd exam, sun(mar19): chem lab finals, wed(mar22): math 55 3rd exam, physics lec 3rd exam, physics lab finals, fri(mar24): math 55 finals, che 31 10th, 11th, 12th exams, sat(mar25): physics lec finals, sun(mar26): es21 finals, tues(mar28): che 31 13th, 14th exams, fri(mar31): chem lec finals
> i need 70% in the chem finals this friday to pass the whole subject. good luck to me!
> i have a bad feeling that i won't pass math 55 this sem.
> that persistent guy, formerly from baguio, still doesn't get the fact that we can't be we. stupid ass.
> i still worry for my friend here. i think i'm making his life complicated. sorry..
> i think i'll fail a lot of subjects this sem.
> life sucks knowing you can't stay in the dorm you want to be in. shit. where am i supposed to stay now?
> i might as well stay in a tent out front of the dorm.
> i'm losing my dorm, i'm losing my friends, i'm losing my faith, i'm losing my grades, i'm losing my mind!!!
> good thing i can't throw away my life. if i could, i would've. shit..
> tang ina!! how am i supposed to study with all this shit!
> God, why are you testing me to the brink of sanity? i hope i pass Your test. i sincerely hope i do.

it's amazing how reading a few testimonials make you wanna break down and cry...

i've been reading the testimonials the people have given me for the past, i think two, years i've been a member of friendster, and i can't help but think that i've been so lucky. i've been so lucky to meet and be close to people who care for me and accept me for who i am. i can't help but thank God for giving me my precious barkada who are still there for me even until now.. even through the distance and through the hardships we experience in this life. i can't help but thank the Lord for the wonderful experience i had with my first relationship. it makes me want to go back and stay in the past. hmm.. i really can't help but wish that i never graduated highschool. i wish that i could just stay in highschool for the rest of my life. but hey, that would be impossible. so, i just thank God for giving me this experience and for letting me be with these wonderful people and i can't help but ask if i could keep them for the rest of my life..

i wanna break down and cry and wish i never grew up...

senti mode

hehe. si jon kasi, nabanggit niya na nagsesenti mode daw siya sa boarding house nila kaya ayun, naisip ko din magsenti..=p

* kakamiss nung bata pa ako. may sand box kasi sa likod ng bahay namin at lagi ako andun dati..
* miss ko na din yung dalawa kong rabbit.. yung lalake nawala all of a sudden tapos yung girl na naiwan, tumalon from the cage a week later, ayun namatay.. huhuhu..='c
* miss ko na yung bahay namin sa poly. may daanan sa cabinet ng parents ko papunta sa cabinet ng kabilang kwarto. hehe. cool dumaan ng dumaan.=p
* kakamiss din yung dresser dun sa bahay na yun. dun ako nagbabahay-bahayan. hehe.
* miss ko na din yung pag-akyat ko sa bakuran namin papunta sa kabilang bahay para puntahan yung mga kaibigan ko na grounded ng parents nila. hehe.
* miss ko na din mag luto-lutuan sa tabi ng bahay namin with clay pots ang leaves.
* pati yung pagbike ko around our street.=p
* miss ko na yung addu old building. hehe. cool yun. madaming misteryo.=p
* miss ko na yung kamangmangan ko noon...
* miss ko na yung pagtakbo ko sa ledge ng third floor nung grade5. hehe.
* kakamiss yung katahimikan ko nung grade school
* at yung magaganda kong grades. hehe
* at yung mga outings namin ng "fungi". hehe
* yung mga games: chinese garter, step-in, tagu-an, taga-anay, ps-ps, at madami pa.=)
* miss ko na mga overnight sa grade school: girlscout, stargazing, sleepover, projects, etc.
* miss ko na yung mga school fiesta. hehe. masaya yun. may bagong tshirt lagi.=p
* pati yung madadaling subjects. wehehehe.=p
* miss ko na pisay
* yung mga tao actually
* kakamiss yung mga pagaka concern ko sa grades ko
* yung mga bagong taong makikilala.
* miss ko na din barakada ko
* and our never ending laugh trips
* and their never ending presence
* i miss my batchmates
* yung mga kalokohan sa mga teacher at subjects
* the kopyahan na walang patutunguhan
* yung mga tawanan
* yung enjoy
* miss ko na yung tambay sa white house
* miss ko na yung prom
* miss ko na yung naka-upo lang kayo sa isang tabi kahit walang ginagawa pero ang saya kasi kasama mo sila
* miss ko na yung tambay til night na tatawagan na ko ng nanay ko sa galit. hehe
* miss ko na yung bonding naming tatlo..=)
* miss ko na yung walang katulad na bonding
* miss ko na din maging treasurer.. at gumawa ng mga financial report. hehe
* miss ko na yung mga foundation days
* miss ko na yung intrams
* miss ko na yung mga dance practices
* miss ko na yung pagod at hirap
* miss ko na yung walang katapusang chikahan.
* miss ko na yung library..hehe
* miss ko na yung isolation ng school
* at yung jeep na diretso sa sm. hehehe.
* miss ko na din yung mga sabay sa jeep
* at yung mga hatid sa bahay ko.
* kakamiss magaka-bf..hehe.=p
* yung mga secret message just by looking at each other
* at yung mga wala lang, tambay lang. hehe
* haay, kakamiss din mga laag sa mall ng barkada.
* at yung murang sine
* at yung ako na lang ang naiiwan sa mall kasi ako last sunduin.
* at yung mga "samahan kita hanggang sunduin ka na" moments. hehe
* miss ko na din yung mga laag namin ng pinsan ko.
* yung inuman namin sa venue
* at yung bonding namin sa mall
* at yung mga overnight sa bahay nila.
* miss ko na din yung mga outing sa pisay: sci centrum, yung pipes, gap farm, pag-asa, yung sa lumang magnolia, sa somewhere near upmin, etc
* at, of course, yung gensan getaway namin. hehe
* miss ko na din yung gulo ng buhay noon. hehe
* miss ko na din yung mga moments..hehehe.. guess niyo.=p
* miss ko sobra ang highschool....
* dito sa up, miss ko na davao...
* miss ko na yung peace ng buhay...
* miss ko na din pamilya at mga kaibigan ko...
* at higit sa lahat, miss ko na sarili ko...
* haay... the way we change makes us sad noh?

senti.. shit.. oops.. piso na yun. hehe. =p