maybe it's a good thing

i don't know what to feel..

sad.

because it's heartbreaking. and fucked up. knowing that if things were different, you'd still be together. it sucks that even if we still love each other and care for each other, it had to happen. because we really couldn't change the situation at this moment in time.

mad.

because we're stuck on opposite sides of the pacific and we can't do anything about it. why can't we just stay in one place. why did we have to be separated and be so far away. why can't we just be together.

empty.

because now i couldn't do the things i used to do. i couldn't share the things i used to share. i couldn't call him the nicknames i knew he loved. and he couldn't call me the nicknames i loved hearing. there's an empty space in my heart that i can't fill. i feel incomplete.

happy.

because now we have time to get things together. now we could figure out what we want to do with our lives without thinking of how it would change the other person's plans. we could grow and find the best versions of ourselves.

hopeful.

because maybe this isn't the end. maybe it's just a new chapter. or maybe it's to make way for better things. i dunno.

right now, i don't know what to feel.. and maybe that's a good thing..